Ludwig To Name His Cat

Ludwig Ahgren, a YouTube streamer, made a rookie mistake by allowing fans in chat to suggest names for his new cat, with ‘Cracker’ winning a stream game as the winner.

Finding the ideal title for a pet must serve the dual objective of being pleasant to speak and accurate to the animal’s personality, nominative determinism aside. Ludwig tossed naming chores at his chat during a May 16 stream, skipping the hard yards for a new cat. A series of unacceptable names quickly dominated the decision-making process, quickly running into the well-documented dilemma of letting the internet name anything. 

Ludwig sifted through them, picking out all the potential candidates and tossing them into a game of marbles. This was a fair, unbiased manner for one name to come out on top, with named marbles racing to the bottom of a succession of tracks. However, after ‘Cracker’ won the tournament, Ludwig expressed sorrow for putting naming power in the hands of the internet. 

With the ‘cracker’ incident dominating Twitch debates less than 6 months ago, when Hasan, Bruce Ray, and Froste were all banned for using a ‘racially charged’ epithet, the streamer’s name was not an ideal option. 

Despite the fact that the name Cracker won the marbles tournament, Ludwig sought to prevent it by holding a poll between the names ‘Coots’ and Cracker for the new feline. Coots received 54 percent of the vote, while Crackers received 46 percent. 

In response to chat calls that this was a hoax, Ahgren put up a Microsoft Paint window and drew three names for the cat to chose from. The cat began pawing at Cracker as soon as ‘Cracker,’ ‘Marbles,’ and ‘Coots’ appeared on the screen. The cat’s dedication to the controversial name led Ludwig to declare “This cat’s a problem. For me, for society.”

Ludwig called his girlfriend and Twitch broadcaster QTCinderella, referring to Twitch’s tough bans of the phrase, before lamenting, “How do I break the news to QT? She’s a Twitch streamer.”

“Is it because it’s problematic?” Ludwig asked QT in response to her open rejection of the name to which QT responds bluntly: “No, it’s because it’s a stupid-ass name.”

The streamer closed his livestream with a full screen of the nameless cat napping, signing off with: ”Say goodbye to Marbles, or Coots, or Cracker.”